Right now I am sitting in a beautiful hotel in Hobart that my dad has surprised me on, a trip for my birthday… (So thoughtful and lovely)
I’m in bed reflecting on the fact that I have made it through 1 whole year of being “25”… Yup… I’ve made it…. All 365 days of it… The year that has confronted me to my core… In oh so many ways… As I am feeling reflective, I’d like to explore my experiences with you… I also understand that this is absolutely NOT the case for all 25 year olds, just me…
So, when I was 17 years and 56 days old, I would count the days until I turned 18, until I could drive, until I could legally drink at the pub, make my own choices, be my own person, go places… Just do whatever I wanted… And it felt like FOREVER!! I kid you not, during that period time must have slowwwwwwwwwweeeeeddddd down… Then suddenly, boom…. I’m 26.. Just like that…. Twenty six
I guess for me, I haven’t really followed a traditional method of education or life choices…. Although I didn’t really care until I turned 25… Always in the back of my mind I thought “I have so much time, I’m only 21, 22, 23, 24 etc…” Now that excuse, and I call it an excuse as it’s been an opportunity for me to not step up and embrace being an adult… That’s the truth… I don’t want to grow up, yet I want the freedom of it… Although the day I turned 25 was like a big slap in the face and my inner guide telling me “step up, take responsibility and stop mucking around” … So I have.
Sadly yet positively I have parted with a lot of friends who I had out grown or they out grew me, or we just weren’t vibing as we once were. The concept of “friends forever” has to high expectations which places a lot of pressure on me. realistically, I believe we share moments with people, sometimes we have more moments with certain people stretched over a long period of time yet they are all just moments…. Relationships and dynamics change, and boy am i thankful… Make the moments count.
I don’t want to fit in your mould….
As a youngster, I really concerned myself with wanting people to “like” me, trying to be hot, being cool, sexy and what I thought others wanted me to be… Now, when I meet someone new (and reflecting on relationships I have also) and if I decide that I’d like to develop a friendship with them, I ask myself, 1stly do I like them? Then ;
- Is this person respectful?
- Are they interesting?
- Do we vibe well?
- Do they inspire me?
Plus a million more although I’m sure you get the hint… I’m not about impressing or being socially chillin with the “right” people, I want to have heart-felt connects that challenge me in a supportive way. I have good friends who are in their 60s and who are 4 years old…. The people in my life now, who i have attracted, are people who align to who I am…. That is powerful… And of course I have those relationships that are there due to circumstance, although I’m less concerned with forcing something that isn’t there…. You are who you are and I am who i am.
Shitttttttttt!!!!! How much money should I be making? Should I own a house? Have a new car? I should have worked my way up some social ladder by now surly?…. Well Nup… I am not financially well off, I don’t particularly want to work in the area that I have studied in and my car is old and I live in a bus…You know what though… Money doesn’t buy anything of real value…
Most of my friends have children, which they had when they were very young, I have had 2 pregnancies and they never came to life (obviously). Having a child when your well in to your 30’s is the done thing at the moment although that is not how I imagined I’d do it, I want Minimal risks and to be young with my grommets. Butttttttt, it’s such a massive commitment, in every way. No more being selfish and doing whatever. Yet gaining a chance to raise a child. This choice to have a child just confronts me in every way
- Where do I want to give birth? Home birth? water birth? Do i get private health care cover now?
- Home school? Public? Private?
- Co-sleeping? Cot?
- What if? ? ? ? ? ? *head spins*
Have I over thought this? ? lol… I just want to be the best person I can be for my future children.
Career. sigh. I have had sooooo many jobs, and as much as I try, I can not handle spending my days working in some mundane and mindless job, just so I can pay for my bread and butter… Although catch 22 is that I unfortunately don’t have all the skills/education/experience I need to change a culture and create amazing things (which is what I want to do)… so I have to stick at these jobs where i feel like my skills are completely wasted until i can build a future that i dream off, which i assure that I WILL, I’m way to ambitious to settle for anything less than what i was born to do… Which i am STILL unsure of, Another stress of early 20’s WHAT CAREER DO I DO?… when I do know, You just wait… Its going to be EPIC.
I have spent years studying Visual arts, Art Therapy, Teaching and Health….Education is a gift that i cherish everyday… Weather I learn from educating myself, Uni or experience… any focused education that I do is such an investment. Engaging my mind in things that are positive for my soul is essential to my happiness. WHY did i wag so many classes when i was younger? DOH! oh, how age changes perspective.
I also strongly believe that education about the outside world is equally important to education about the inner aspects of who I am. Inner and outer world education are equal.
You know all those american movies about love, well they are far from reality. I love my man, incredibly, Although sometimes being in a relationship is challenging, frustrating and its a constant effort to maintain it. Love long-term isn’t about the long stares and whispering sweet nothings in to each others ear, being with the hottest guy, getting butterflies or always being swept off your feet. Reality is that, the bins need to go out, dinner needs to be cooked and all that boring mundane stuff, I have learnt that being in love and maintaining a relationship is about being with your best friend who you can simply just enjoy life with, working as a team, growing together and confronting things when you feel they are not good. It’s a challenge that is the most rewarding thing i have experienced.
My Mum and Dad are more like my friends now. The whole relationship dynamic has completely changed. I have so much respect for them both, for everything they have done for me and still do. Thank you
In terms of my spirituality, I have really focused a lot of time and energy to question allot about our existence.
- What does death mean?
- what is the purpose of our existence?
- what is my body trying to tell me when i feel….
- why did i attract this person in to my life? etc etc etc
The beliefs i have are quiet personal, although one thing that i do feel comfortable with sharing is about the importance to TRUST yourself. We all have a regulator in our body that alarms us when things don’t feel right. Trust it and life will flow. Intuition is a powerful thing. Listen
Simply, the law of attraction is a powerful tool.
I have no interest what so ever is running around the block, or doing one of those epic runs, I just don’t see the reward from it other then a badly designed circle metal… the whole thing just doesn’t make sense to me. Gyms are the most outrageous things invented, think about it, RIGHT NOW there would be millions of people just running in one spot using energy that could be going to something really useful, like… Planting a tree, Walking/playing with a animal, Building something, picking up rubbish, creating etc. I just DONT GET IT!! Given all of that, I am over weight and I need to focus on being kinder and more loving to my body. I need to fuel it with food that will support me in feeling good and maintaining optuim health, I need to figure out ways that i can move my body purposefully.
Body image is something that i am constantly confronted with… My goal is to love every inch of myself. Just as I am. Media has really F!%#ed with my mind about what it means to be beautiful. I am a human, seriously though, I AM HUMAN.
Its the simple things…
Its the simple things in life that are most beautiful.
Just be who you are.
I could write so much more although It’s my birthday and I’m keen to celebrate being 26!
Lots of love x